Manchester United Is Dead – All That’s Left is Funeral Arrangements

There was a time when Old Trafford was more fortress than stadium, when leaving with a draw felt like a biblical miracle – a kind of football exodus from the slaughterhouse. Teams came, saw, and prayed for mercy. But fast-forward to Sunday’s spectacle, and the hallowed turf felt more like an all-you-can-eat buffet than a battleground. And the dish of the day? The three-course mess that Erik ten Hag has been cooking for three years.

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No seasoning. No flavor. Just bland, uninspired football that feels more like a rushed takeaway than a masterclass in tactical genius. The funeral procession has begun, ladies and gentlemen. The only thing left is to send the invitations and choose a nice spot for the wake.

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